Lame geek humor, but still this is funny. Adapted from version received via email – one of many versions floating around.
Dear Tech Support:Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now closely monitors all system activities. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run at all, crashing the system whenever selected.
Despite several attempts, I am not able to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while trying to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall program for Wife 1.0 isn’t working. Please help!
A Troubled User
Dear Troubled User:
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. However, Wife 1.0 is a complete OPERATING SYSTEM that is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
Once installed, it is nearly impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. It’s Creator has seen this move before and installed special features that make it very, very difficult (and expensive) to completely uninstall the program files.
I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 while working to improve system performance by installing the background applications Yes Dear 2.5 and Handyman 3.7 to help alleviate software augmentation.
Also, many have found it helpful to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE as often as possible. This has been shown to help the system return to normal.
Despite its flaws, Wife 1.0 can be a great program. It comes with several very appealing support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook Dinner 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. If these and other programs are used properly, Wife 1.0 can be a very gratifying program to run.
However, improper use of Wife 1.0 may cause the system to launch the very tiresome program Nag Nag 9.5, among others. Once this happens, the best way to improve performance is to purchase additional software. In particular, I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Romantic Getaways 6.3. If things get really bad, you may need to spring for the ultimate repair program: Diamonds 10.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT under any circumstances attempt a partial system reboot by installing Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,